once you know, you cannot unknow. once you have seen, you can never unsee. once you have allowed yourself to feel, you are freed from silence; for the submergence of one's truth only births havoc within the self.
If the empire were a helium plane in the sky, we are losing altitude rapidly. We shall become familiar with many a fallacy; for we are without inflatable seats. I employ you to resist the urge to find retreat in the propaganda that manufactures receipts of deception, because your confidence is a socially engineered perception.
Time shapeshifts in my mind;
the human race has a fate that is entwined.
Harm is not confined in a vacuum,
for energy is transferable and undefined.
We are scales balancing the spectrum between light and dark.
It would behoove our species to tame the inner shark,
who craves the scent of blood.
Because there are cemeteries that are manicured for our spiritual flood.
To treat my mind,
and inflict disease upon my body
Is akin to quenching the sun,
and expecting earthly life to embody
Every time I outsource my power,
I fall out of a burning tower
Hitting the reality of the defiant gravel,
Until my spiritual autonomy begins to unravel
A fisherman guts, and a farmer seeds.
While the soldier annihilates, the professor indoctrinates, and the doctor placates, they are incentivized by capitalism to be complicit in the enactment and perpetuation of oppression, and enticed submission to hegemonic systems of control and domination.
You know, harm is merely an impersonal business write-off. After all, we are all feeding from a slave trough.
Take: One
Educating your spiritual assailant while mammified to console their internal grievance with accountability. This exchange is replicated along racial, gender, class, sexual and transnational dynamics. Because the threat of violence is not theoretical but manifold and material.
Take: Two
Niceness degrades trust
Because words that are powdered in perfume
Are void of truth and begin to disgust
Like a failed charismatic intent to groom
When the real lack of concern is apparent
Forced politeness becomes aberrant
I’m switching the camouflage of my shadow!
I reckon, the past has met its plateau.
Shame seems to be the source of spiritual vertigo.
Overthinking permits mental cobwebs to overgrow.
With radical acceptance, I shall mow!
Reframing and validating the dark, I’m choosing my afterglow;
Because the divine gave me the key to my crypto escrow.
Therefore, I will embody the golden ratio.
Forgiveness is a cloud I float upon,
As I resist the urge to fawn
No longer fate’s pawn,
For I bear the view of a new dawn
Observation:
Like a barren woman who finds her calling as a midwife.
To be a communal doula to birthing women.
Despite her own womb’s inability to conceive life.
Similarly:
I have had dalliances with lesbians and queers, and too many exploratory converts. As though I can dribble the ball, but god forbid I make a shot that reaches the net and scores in the game of love. Instead, I’ve been a lesbian doula. A love avoidant whose heart is scarred, yet the pulse hungers. Who loves the idea of connection, but only the facade sprouts.
However:
And yet, like a barren doula who becomes divinely inseminated and rejoices over her own need for a doula. I sense this desire to sit in the fire of unabated yearning, choosing not to mislabel, misattune, self-neglect, or deny its fulfillment.
Perhaps:
Maybe, I, too can know love and not be a chaperone of queerness. But live in its embodiment. Carry the frequency of the love I pray for. And live to know that love.
